A letter from the past!

This letter is from back when I was in World War II. You were at home, raising yourself, since we don't have kids. Oh, and you were raising Penny too. Fine, also Buddy and Charlie.

Dear girl of my dreams,

I am away at war right now. You probably already know that though. I am not sure why I said that. Actually, I'm not even sure why I didn't just go and erase it. Oh well. Um. Crap, I'm typing that too. The "um".

Anyways, war is terrible. There are bad guys everywhere. Even hiding behind explosive red barrels, and if you shoot the barrels, they blow up and the bad guys get blown up too. That's not cool to see at all. It makes me really want to see your beautiful face again so that I can rid myself of these grotesque images.

One of the guys in my platoon said that he missed his wife. I said that I missed you, and he looked at me and said "why were you shooting at her?" And I said, I wasn't... wait- you mean you missed your wife with a bullet? And he said, "yeah, she slept with ummm, the President while I was away at war, which is where we are right now." And then I told him that I know we're at war, don't be an idiot.

So, then I went on to explain that I really did miss you, like not with bullets, but with emotion. And he looked at me and called me a baby. I told him that only cheaters are babies, but then he said that people that show emotion are also babies. And when he said that, I turned into a baby.

Now, war is not a good place for a baby to be. I was crawlin' all around, like in minefields, and underwater (when I was on a submarine), and even- where's another place I could crawl? OH! - in the trenches. One time, this bad guy came up to me, and said "DIS BABY, WHY IS HE HERE?!" and I looked him and said "I show too much emotion while in battle, so I became a baby" and then he said "Aw, that's beautiful man" and he walked away without shooting me. That was a nice bad guy for sure.

So, here I am, writing to you with my baby hands and I think I'm almost ready to be burped. And when I burp, it won't just be gas from the last bottle of formula I had, it will be my emotion for you which in this present moment, happens to be a lot of like and a whole lot of missing you.

I miss you dearly dear Miss,
Your one and only baby,
Craig