Bunk Bed

Craig had just finished fighting side by side with an aardvark to destroy an army of ants, and Lacey was very impressed.

“Let’s get out of here,” Lacey said, just in case another army of ants showed up. Craig agreed, and took Lacey’s hand as they began walking away. It was especially sunny out that day, and the grass looked greener than usual. It was almost as if someone took a bright green crayon and colored the grass themselves. Lacey turned to Craig to see if he noticed how green the grass was, but she found he was already looking at it.

“You noticed it too?” Lacey asked. Craig looked up a little surprised.

“Yeah, I thought I was imagining it. It’s not that I don’t like it, but why is the grass so dang green?” They both looked down at the unnaturally green grass and began to ponder what could have caused it.

“Maybe it’s not real grass, maybe someone put it here,” Lacey suggested.

Craig bent down and ripped off a blade and began to examine it. First he felt it, then he smelled it, and finally he put it in his mouth and chewed and swallowed it. “No, this has got to be grass, it tastes just like it.”

Lacey bent down and tasted a blade for herself. “You’re right, this has got to be grass.” She turned to look at Craig and fell back into the grass in shock. Craig’s skin was rapidly turning green, the same green color as the grass.

“You-you—”

“You’re GREEN!” Craig cut her off.

“What? No you’re green!” Lacey said in confusion. Both of them, realizing what the other had said, looked down at themselves to find that they both had unnaturally green skin. Lacey couldn’t believe it, all she could do was stare at Craig in wonderment. She was glad that at least Craig was still attractive with green skin, but she really didn’t expect anything less. When Lacey finally looked away from Craig she cried out in bewilderment.

The green was rapidly spreading. The tree barks were turning green, the lizards on the ground were green, a bunny rabbit hopping by was green. Everything was green except for the blue sky. “What’s going on?!” Lacey said frantically.

“I don’t know, but I’m going to find out!” Craig started walking foreword, with Lacey’s hand still in his. They had been walking for a little while, when Lacey got the feeling they were being followed, but every time she looked around there wasn’t anything there. She went a long time without looking, pretending like she had given up and then turned around quickly and very unexpectedly. Even Craig was a bit surprised and he looked at her curiously.

“AHA!” Lacey shouted. They were being followed, they were being followed by the aardvark! That wasn’t even the strangest part…. The aardvark wasn’t green!

Craig was now looking at the aardvark with his jaw dropped. “Why isn’t he green?!”

Lacey just shook her head, “Maybe the green didn’t get to him yet.”

“Maybe he’s a mirage,” Craig suggested.

“Maybe he has a special amulet on that deflects the green.”

“Maybe he’s an alien.”

“Maybe he’s not green, because he’s the one causing it.”

“Don’t be a sillyhead Lacey, I fought side by side with him, he wouldn’t betray us.”

“You’re right, what was I thinking? Maybe he’s a Greek god sent here to help us as an aardva—”

“Or maybe aardvarks are simply immune to the green.” Both Lacey and Craig jumped up in shock as they heard the aardvark talk.

“Did you just talk?!” Craig asked.

“Yes, what’s so surprising about that? It’s not strange that I’m an alien, but it is if I can talk?” Said the aardvark.

“Yes of course! Aardvark’s can’t talk!” Craig pointed out while Lacey nodded next to him.

“Well since you can talk, do you know anything about this green attack? And why doesn’t it affect you?” Lacey interrogated.

“This is being created by the terrifying BM—”

“Bowel movement?” Lacey questioned.

“No.”

“Boston Market?” Craig asked.
“No.”

“Bert Miller?”

“NO!”

“Boogie man?”

“No—yes, yes the boogie man.”

“See, I knew we’d get it eventually,” said Craig triumphantly. The aardvark was seething.

“So go on Mr. Aardvark—”

“Mr. Aardvark was my father’s name, call me Stanley.”

“Okay Stanley, why doesn’t this affect you? And why is ‘The Terrifying BM’ doing this?” Lacey said.

“The green doesn’t affect me because aardvarks are ‘the Terrifying BM’s’ arch nemesis, none of his powers work on us. He’s doing this because he thinks if the entire world is green then everyone will bow down to him because he’s the only purple one.”

“Well we got to stop him! Show us where he is,” Craig said determinedly.

“’The terrifying BM’ only lives under beds, so we must find the closest bed. Follow me.” Stanley explained, setting off towards the west.

It felt like Craig and Lacey had walked a hundred miles. They must have been walking through this unnaturally green sea of grass for at least five hours. Finally Stanley came to a halt and pointed up ahead with his long nose.

There in the middle of the grass was a large purple bunk bed. “That’s where ‘The Terrifying BM’ lives. Of course… genius. He picked a bunk bed because he can come outside, but still be under a bed, he would be under the top bunk. So that’s how he spread the green so quickly during the daytime, he never comes out from under a bed in the daytime. “ Stanley said more to himself than anyone.

Craig bravely walked up to the bunk bed and kicked it. “Hey BM! Come out and show yourself!” The bed started to rattle and shake violently. Craig took a step back, a little frightened now. Lacey walked up to Craig and took his hand and squeezed it.

“Oh no! You angered him! What were you thinking?!” Stanley cried.

Sure enough, a gigantic purple blob slid out from under the bed. Lacey couldn’t tell where his face was because he was too blobby, but he looked furious. He started for Craig and Lacey, making an angry slurping noise.

“Watch out!” Stanley yelled. Lacey pulled Craig out of the way in the nick of time. Stanley, like the hero that he was, jumped in front of them. “Alright BM, you asked for it!”

BM stopped in his tracks, then turned around to go back under his bed. “Oh no you don’t!” Stanley shouted. Just before BM went under the bottom bunk, Stanley jumped up onto his back….or wherever it was…. And went under with him.

There was a loud rumble, and then all of the sudden, the bed, BM and Stanley poofed into nothingness. Not long after, the many colors of the world came flooding back into existence.

Lacey and Craig barely noticed. They stood in shock, they didn’t know where the bed or Stanley went to, and they weren’t sure they would ever find out.

The moral of the story: Never buy a bunk bed!

You word is: cake